Do You Believe in Faires and Darves?

Power of Ten

2005-07-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give everyone a small math problem. I know that some of us hate math. I love it but I've always known there was something wrong with me. Anyways, math is very important and 10 is a very important integer in math. There are 10 commandments, 10 little piggies on our feet, and things multiplied by 10 get larger!

I will submit this problem as an example:

a x 10=b

where a is the number of innocent people killed in the WTC on 9/11, in this case a = 2,405

and b is the approximate number of innocent people killed in the war which used 9/11 as popular, yet unfounded, excuse.

Your job is to solve for b and justify your answer.

The math is easy but the justification..........well good luck!!!!

Captain Picard responsible for land-bridge migration

2005-07-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

In a strange case of fiction-becomes-reality. It was reported today that Star Trek is a reality-show in the future and that its main star, Captain Picard, traveled in a time-warp ending up on earth 9,300 years ago where he gathered a crew to follow their hardy leader accross the land bridge and to new found glory as one of Northwest Indian Tribes oldest ancestors, dubbed Kennewick man. Sadly he died along the banks of the Columbia river, necessitating a quick and dirty end to his show.

Tip for the Day

2005-07-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

This is a tip from a guide to backpacking:

"You can simulate the warmth of a sleeping bag by crawling into a large plastic bag with several geese".

Not-A-Fan Club

2005-06-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

I have decided to form a new club:

The Tom Cruise Not-A-Fan Club

This club is dedicated to hating Tom Cruise, boycotting his movies, spreading awful truths and nasty rumors, and generally sneering at the TV every time he is on it. I already have nominated Kate B. as the Vice-President in charge of Cultural Affairs and I will pay her with chocolate and pistacchio pudding.

Oodles of Poodles

2005-06-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

So this isn't really about oodles of poodles. It's mainly just about one. A poodle in Yakima. Yakima, for those of you familiar with Washington state is REALLY far away from Seattle. And there is nothing there worth visiting...nothing.

My sister is on the lookout for a dog to adopt. Against everyones continued advice she has decided she wants a poodle. Problem is that all the little blue haired ladies and crack crazed kids have adopted all the local poodles. So she wants a poodle from Yakima. She is going to drive to freakin' Yakima to get a poodle. That is some serious poodle dedication. She's not even 100% sure she wants this poodle but she's going to check it out. She want me to come. I'll I have to say is:

There is no Freakin' way I'm driving hours and hours to visit a poodle!!!! Would you?

Describe me IM

2005-05-04T15:50:00.000-07:00

I do a little IM'ing. I don't know the lingo and I really only have one IM buddy that I chat with on a regular basis. However, I already feel like MSN IM and others don't really describe me or my particular state at the moment. Then senses of self at one's disposal are:

online
be right back
busy
away
on the phone
out to lunch

I need something more. I need something that really describes what my current state is so that people can respond to me appropriately. Here are a few of my suggestions:

mildly retarded:
"Jane Doe may not respond to big words or long sentences as her status is set to mildly retarded"

extremely distracted:
"Jane Doe may not respond to one thought until you have moved on to five new thoughts because her status is set to extremely distracted"

hepped up on mars bars:
"Jane Doe may respond with nonsensical misspellings due to a sugar rush as her status is set to hepped up on mars bars"

very hungry:
"Jane Doe may respond only with references to lunch, food, and eating as her status is set to very hungry"

There are others but my mars bar is calling to me. BRB.

Nashville Here I Come!!!

2005-04-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

So next week I'm going to be in Nashville during the Country Music Marathon. I'm hoping to see lots of men in spandex running shorts and cowboy hats.

Nashville, for those who don't know, is also the home of the Willie Nelson Museum and The NunBun.

Given the recent de-secularization of society; those of you will little faith might just be inspired by the words of Willie and the image of Mother Teresa gracing a cinnamon roll. I can't think of a better role model than the Nun Bun for bringing consumerism back into religion with full force.

By the way, did you place your bet for Pope Benedict's successor yet? It's not to late (or, apparently, too early)!

The Darves I Know

2005-04-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

These are the Darves I know, I Know
These are the Darves I know.
Some of them are Erics.
Some of them are not.

Eric Darve
Felix Darve
Galo Darve
Isabelle Darve

Truth be told. There aren't that many Darves. So sad.

Teaching Philosophy

2005-04-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

I recently had to write a teaching philosophy for a job that I was applying for. I decided to keep it short and sweet:

"I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be".

Oh Whitney!!! So wise.

What is a Darve?

2005-04-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well a Darve is actually just a misspelling of Dwarf on a pair of Brazilian undies. Why was Dwarf written on undies?- you ask. Well for that you'll have to go to the side-bar which has a short explanation. That being said, I like to think of a Darve as so much more than a misspelling. A Darve, in my mind, is a petite woman with a mixture of vivacious energy and down-to-earth know-how. She is part dwarf, part nymph, and part woodsprite. She can tackle just about anything...except reaching the items placed on the top shelf by her more inch-endowed brethren. Do you believe in Darves?

**As for what a Faire is? I don't have a clue but I welcome any thoughts.

Update on my New Year's Resolution

2005-04-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know....I wanted to keep my New Year's Resolution manageable this year. There was to be no "i'm gonna loose 1,000 lbs. by eating only beets" or "i'm going to wake up running, do yoga while I write, and finish it off with 800 ab crunches while watching TV". No, I wanted to choose something meaningful, something I never was able to do, something that I would be do-able in a year. I chose to: Not To Be Afraid of the Post-Office

That's right! I chose this year, 2005, to get over my inane inability to mail postcards to people that I love, send packages overseas, and get my bills out on time. So this is my update...

I'm doing o.k. but worse than I was hoping at this time of year. I made a trip to Europe vowing to send postcards to everyone...alas...as usual, I came home with all of them in my suitcase. **By the way, if anyone wants their postcard feel free to drop by**

On a positive note (and these are always the best to end with) I mailed off my bills, insurance form, and my taxes....YIPEE...and I'm getting into the groove of checking my PO Box. I even went up to the counter to buy the cool "Sickle-Cell Anemia" stamps. Ah the joys of the Post-Office.

I'm trying my hardest and I hope to be able to send out invitations to my birthday party this year. Maybe then people will come...

PARENTAL ADVISORY

2005-04-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Someone I DON'T KNOW rewrote the words to Eminem's song "I'm Back" as should be sung by Dubbya. Even though I DON'T KNOW them, I know that they meant it to be a joke and that the person posting this would not normally use that kind of language. It was not their language, it was Eminems. That being said, proceed at your own risk:

George W.'s Theme Song

Help with Pig Latin

2005-04-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Some people had trouble understanding my Pig Latin translation, others accused me of not knowing how to speak in Pig Latin at all....THE HORROR!! So here is the english-piglatin-english translation for all those attled individuals.

"Wassup dog, i'm here to represent"

New Blog

2005-04-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

So I've got a new blog since I don't want to be associated with the "potty mouth" that posted crass lyrics on the other site.

Pig Latin

2005-04-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would contact the City of Seattle to see if they needed any official translators for Pig Latin. Who knows, it might come in handy in juvy court. The defense attourney would come in and say "How are you? I'm your court appointed attourney." Then I would translate, "Assupway ogday, i'mway erehay otay epresentray".

In case you don't know Pig Latin here is a helpful link: www.snowcrest.net/donnelly/piglatin.html